Do Not Look At Her Knickers


Men's Brains Addled By Pretty Faces It is an experience that turns many chaps into an awkward, mumbling wreck.

Men who spend just a few minutes in the company of an attractive female perform less well in tests designed to measure brain function.

I can confirm this fact.young lady

When the task was repeated with female volunteers, however, memory scores stayed the same, whether they had chatted to a man or a woman.

I can confirm this fact.

UK Women Are More Likely - to have an affair than men.

I can confirm this fact.

Mini Skirts Shorter For Longer Mini-skirts are no longer the preserve of the young, according to a new survey which shows that women now wear them until the age of 40.

I can confirm this fact.

In fact, I can confirm so many of these facts, that I don't know why I bothered to read the goddamn articles.


Aha! I see, ...

Women Do Not Like Men

Women Do Not Like Men 'Research has shown that most men find most women at least somewhat sexually attractive, whereas most women do not find most men sexually attractive at all,'

I cannot confirm this fact, because my experience suggests otherwise.


I wish, eh?

But, of course, it is not surprising to find that women do not find men to be sexually attractive - because men have been portrayed as pigs for the past three decades.

... most [women] have selfish motives, with financial or material rewards a major factor behind many sexual encounters.

In one survey of students carried out by the researchers, nearly one in ten women admitted to 'having sex for presents'.


Whatever happened to love, eh?

Or even lust.

Yep. Even lust will do!

Mind you, giving a present to them for sex is hell of a lot cheaper than actually marrying them - as men were virtually forced to do in the olden days.

box chocolates

Trust me. The price of a cheap box of chocolates is a lot better than a lifetime of ceaseless, unbridled misery.

And you can always suggest that she shares the box with you, rather than let her open it when she is all by herself and nobody is looking.

Because THAT'S the kind of woman that she is.

THAT'S for sure!

She'll eat all of them, if you give her half the chance.

And you younger lads just don't know how lucky you are.

When I was a young man, you were forced to marry the owner of the ar*se that was inside the first pair of knickers that you ever caught sight of.

She could have looked like Andrea Dworkin, but you still had to marry her.

Those were the rules.

And when you went round to her house to spend a few hours together, her permanently-enraged father would march into the room with a menacing air and demand to know whether or not you had seen her knickers.

"Have you seen her knickers?" he would growl.

"Oh no. No, Sir. Not I," you would say in your politest voice.

"Jenny. Has he seen your knickers?" he would snarl at her.

"No, Dad. He hasn't seen my knickers."

"You're not lying to me Girl, are you?" he would scowl. "Because you'll get a good back-hander if you are."

"No, honestly, Dad."

"Well, I'll be back in ten minutes," he would spit.

And, thusly, the evening would pass by pleasantly enough, but with the father booting the door open every ten minutes or so to try to catch you out. 

rubik cube

And then, when you went home, at about 8.00 pm, your mother would be waiting at the door to ask you if you had had a, 'Good night out'.

"Yes, Mum. Great night," you would say.

"And did you see her knickers?" she would then ask casually, with a disinterested air.

"No, Mum. No knickers," you would sigh.

"Were they green?" she would then ask innocently.

"No, they were blue," you would accidentally blurt.

The cat was out of the bag.

Your mother could now sense danger ahead

So she would slap you around the face a couple of times and send you to bed for your own safety.

Aged 25!

Those were the rules.

And as for sex within marriage, forget it.

On your wedding night you could only get on top with a special written dispensation from the Pope, and thereafter you were only allowed one thrust per week for each year of marriage.

Take an extra thrust and you would rot in Hell for eternity.

But in those days people talked a lot more, because there was nothing on the TV worth watching, and the radio was pretty boring.

So sex wasn't very necessary when couples were courting.

They could talk instead.

The woman would usually spend the whole evening talking about marriage while showing you a bit of leg below the knee.

And the man would listen.

For the whole evening!

Then the two of them would say, "Goodnight," and shake hands in a public venue.

Those were the rules.


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