01/02/03 

Women Like Mesomorphs With Hairy Chests

USA Forget the androgynous smoothness of the young Leonardo DiCaprio or the excessively muscle-bound torso of Arnold Schwarzenegger. If scientists at Cambridge University are to be believed, what women really want is a mat of chest hair planted on a mesomorph - a lithe athlete with broad shoulders.

And this, of course, would partially explain AH's truly remarkable rates of success when it comes to seducing women.

They are remarkably low!

Never mind, at least he won't be needing one of these things! ...

Aus A BRA designed to stop pregnant women feeling like cows could also appeal to their overweight husbands. (Link now defunct.)

Ah yes. AH has always been on the light side when it comes to flesh and muscles. And his general demeanour is still, even today, not very dissimilar to that of emaciated elderly hospital patients a few days after major surgery.

He is not, as they say, a hunk!

But what he lacks in bodily weight is more than compensated for by his high degree of raw masculine lethargy. 

He is absolutely unsurpassed in his ability to stare at the ceiling for hours on end, mostly struggling with issues that trouble him profoundly.

Can a molecule evolve?

And, if so, what about an atom? Or a neutrino?

Is Scampernoo the guinea-pig conscious? 

And how could anybody ever find out?

Why on Earth has Pi got an infinite number of decimal places? 

Why not just two?

And who will control cyberspace? Lawrence Lessig - 7 min - not the easiest of reads

And will terrorists destroy our computer networks? Christopher Noxon - 8 min

With such awesome matters to worry about, how can AH possibly spare the time to pander to the urgent needs of emotional womenfolk whose amorous interests are confined only toward the architecture of his muscles.

He apologises for depriving them so utterly and completely, of course. But their rapacious lustfulness shall simply have to remain unfulfilled.