Harry

Especially For Young Women

 
   

 

Executive Chair


 

That's it. I've had it. I'm absolutely whacked.

Knackered. Worn out. Exhausted.

I've been building a chair.

Yep; a chair.

Four hours to build a fu##ing chair.

Unbelieeeevable!

"I've got you a present," said the missus yesterday.

"That's nice," I said. "What is it?"

"A chair," she said. "An executive chair. One that tilts and swivels around just like you always wanted," she said.

"Excellent!" I said. "Where is it?"

"In the lounge."

"Why, thank you, Kind Lady," I replied with a majestic bow.

So, off I trotted to the lounge with saliva dripping down my chin. But there was not a chair to be seen. Not even a stool.

Instead, there was this huge box sitting in the middle of the room. And on the outside of this box was printed an endless stream of grammatically impossible verbal instructions surrounded by complicated diagrams and obscure hieroglyphics.

This was no chair. This was a kit which had to be assembled into a chair!

Yep: I had to build my own frigging chair. This is how poorly my missus treats me.

This is what women have become today.

And it took me four whole fu##ing hours.

A whole evening devoted to building one single chair.

I've got two cut fingers, ten sore knuckles, and two legs that seem to have locked themselves permanently into a position that is best described as 'uber-akimbo'. 

In fact, no longer do they seem to function as legs!

I can barely walk.

hammer

But, fear not, I am plotting my revenge.

For her birthday, I am going to buy my missus two kilos of flour, a packet of raisins and a bag of sugar. And I will also provide her with a photocopy of a cake recipe.

In Greek! 

Then I will say, "I've bought you a huge birthday cake. Just follow the instructions."

And for Christmas I'll give her a big lump of metal and a screwdriver.

"Here's your new computer," I'll tell her.

Yes indeed. I'll teach that no-good harlot a thing or two about giving presents before I'm through with her.

Sheesh.

sister katherine

Sister Mary Katherine entered the Monastery of Silence. 

The Priest said, "Sister, this is a silent monastery. You are welcome here as long as you like, but you may not speak until I direct you to do so". 

Sister Mary Katherine lived in the monastery for 5 years before the Priest said to her, "Sister Mary Katherine, you have been here for 5 years. 

You may speak two words." 

Sister Mary Katherine said, "Hard bed." 

"I'm sorry to hear that," the Priest said, "We will get you a better bed." 

After another 5 years, Sister Mary Katherine was called by the Priest. 

 
"You may say another two words, Sister Mary Katherine. 

"Cold food," said Sister Mary Katherine, and the Priest assured her that the food would be better in the future. 

On her 15th anniversary at the monastery, the Priest again called Sister Mary Katherine into his office. 

"You may say two words today." 

"I quit," said Sister Mary Katherine. 

"It's probably best", said the Priest, "You've done nothing but moan since you got here." 

 



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