Woman Finally Beats Man In Fair Contest Thomas says she took the "Black Widow" nickname because she likes to "eliminate the males".
She weighs less than 100 pounds but can eat more food in one sitting
than just about any other human on the planet.
Sonya Thomas a.k.a. The Black
Widow has broken more than a dozen World Eating Records and is considered one of
the world's greatest competitive eaters.
She ate about ten turkeys, apparently. Thank goodness that my missus
doesn't eat so much.
If she did, I'd either have to shoot her or watch myself starve.
What women do not seem to understand these days is that they were put on
this Earth to serve men, whereas men were put on this Earth to enjoy
A woman cannot truly fulfil herself unless she is labouring 24/7 to cater
for a man's whims and pleasures.
Without such opportunities, her soul begins to
blacken, her juices start to dry up, and clinical depression of the most heinous
kind gradually sets in.
A man, on the other hand, was designed to venture forth into the world and to
taste its wonderment - while his woman back home pottered about building a warm fire, cooked some
delicious food and maintained the communal habitat to a high standard of
comfort, so that should, perchance, he decided to return, his satisfaction would
always be guaranteed.
This is what Nature designed women for.
Women were not designed to compete with men; they were designed to cater for men.
And because they are nowadays too busy competing instead of catering, we
are all heading into the abyss.
So there you have it; in a nutshell.
We are doomed.
We are all doomed.
Barren Women Almost one
in three Scottish women now aged between 43 and 45 has never had children,
official statistics showed yesterday.
They've been a pain in the English butt for over a thousand years - almost as
bad as the Irish.
Even the Romans built a huge wall to keep them out.
"No way are we having them here," they said.
And who can blame them?
See what I mean? ...
Those Romans knew a thing or two about 'civilisation'.
Indeed, we used to say that whenever a Scot crossed the border into
England, the average IQ of both countries went down.
(But I don't make that joke any more - because I now suspect that it is
the other way round!)
Heinous Criminal Wanted Police said Higginbotham argued with his wife because she had not cooked
He had to cook his own spaghetti, apparently. Police have therefore put out an APB on this man.
And quite right too!
A man who cooks his own spaghetti when his wife has failed to cook him
anything deserves to be locked up for at least a decade.
Any man worthy of his gender would have given her a good hiding and then sent her
off to cook a six-course meal while he surfed the adult TV channels with the
children's nanny or an appropriate substitute.
Whenever my missus fails to cook a satisfactory meal I beat her about the
head assiduously with a rusty old hammer and then kill the children. And if no
suitable meal is soon forthcoming, I then remove all her teeth with my new cordless
drill and socket set that she gave me for Christmas. And if that fails to get her ar*e into a high-enough gear then she
receives the acid bath treatment, wherein she dissolves completely until nothing is left but
the expensive jewellery that I bought her - i.e. nothing is left.
This is how real men behave.
Harem Of 10
Harem Of 10 Police are investigating whether a 57-year-old Japanese man broke the law by presiding over a harem of 10 women, mostly in their twenties, in a Tokyo
What on Earth is wrong with having a harem of ten women, eh? When I'm 57 I
hope to have a harem of at least 31 - i.e. one for every day of the
month - even the long months.
In fairness, of course, I shall regularly assess most carefully the qualities of
all the female
inhabitants of my little harem.
My Little Hareemies I shall call them.
And then I will both number and arrange my sweet Little Hareemies in ascending
numerical order of
their qualities and their fleshy plenitude, so that, firstly,
they get their fair share of me, and, secondly, I get to look forward to the end of each
So, for example, on January 10th I will allow Little Hareemie Number 10 to be my chief pamperer, and she will be better than Number 9 (whose day of glory was the day
before) while on January the 20th it will be Number 20's 'turn at the wheel'. And she, of course, will then be followed by Number 21, by which time things should
be really hotting up!