11/2/02

A warning to young men?

Hi BG

Haven't heard from you for a while. How's the job going?

AH

Hiya again

The job (just over broke) situation is indeed a case of J.O.B, I am working as a "Goods Inwards Clerk" at a large and mainly agricultural based hardware store, approx 10 miles out of town in the countryside.

It has a number of good points, I like the people - a friendly and cheerful bunch - and I enjoy the drive through the countryside. Even with recent floods! 

I drive a funky old Citroen, complete with wacky suspension. Pull a lever and it rises up and pretends to be a jeep. But great for very deep puddles. 

I knew they were struggling for staff when I started and I keep being told what a good job i'm doing, so, in that sense, it has "job security". 

It took me a good 4 weeks to fully understand how the system is supposed to operate. Unfortunately, now that I know what the other peeps are supposed to be doing, I am aware of the extent to which they don't do THEIR job properly - which is why my lot is a constant headache. 

Basically I spend all day picking some item up, trying to figure out what the hell it is, who the heck ordered it, what label to place on it, where the hell to stick it, what I need to input on the pooter, what paperwork needs doing for it, and, first of all, where the heck to find the paperwork relevant to that particular item. 

Basically, it's all about searching for clues, scratching your head, running around the (surprisingly large, 20 odd employees) building, asking whomsoever I suspect might have ordered it if they damn well know what the heck it is and why I have it?

I never need to go anywhere near the M25. I have my own little parking space. I can smoke and slurp coffee whenever I want. I get a full hour for my lunch and I spend it all in the local village pub where they put aside my paper, my sandwich and a little chockie bar..

And I'm bored sh*tless.

Moneywise, I may as well not bother. And if the CSA start swiping 40% again I might as well become unemployed all over again. 

Still, the job's paid for my internet access and my various creditors are only threatening legal action rather than doing it. I keep 'em away by throwing 'em some regular crumbs every month or so.

Life on the edge of civilised society! 

A paycheck away from complete bankruptcy. 

A determined "deadbeat" with absolutely no hope whatsoever of renting my own place, let alone buying one. Yep, i am still  (and will probably remain so for the next 10 or more years) living in my mum's house. Not as bad as it sounds as she doesn't live here. She lives in Norwich with her own mum; so the rents pretty cheap, but hardly "my own place".

It's no understatement to say that if there were no men's movement, to both encourage me and give me something to fight at, I would have probably driven my old banger into a river and selected "low suspension" quite some time ago.

Relationship wise, I have absolutely no idea where my daughter now lives. The Moose moved away with no forwarding address (and per-leeeze don't ask if the CSA can help!! If one more blind dick-head suggests going to the CSA I'm going to start head-butting the wall.) 

The girl/woman (24, what's that?) I had been seeing fairly regularly has sort of faded from the scene, partly as her mother dislikes me, partly as I dislike her mother, but mainly as I really cannot be arsed with the whole "relationship" sh*te. 

In fact, taking this low-pay but low-stress job is my deliberate statement to say that I am no-one's "breadwinner"! 

If they do manage to steal "fatherhood tax" from me it will be very little. I am NOT going to play happy families with my girlfriend's kid, and I am NOT going to move in, get entangled, nor become a "common law" husband/father.

I said to you some time ago that the current situation for men in the UK means I will never again become part of the emasculated "establishment". I do not WANT to be "in love", and would rather be alone. 

I'm not bitter towards women. It's natural that they are generally corrupt and spoilt. Absolute power does that. 

I am just sick of this society.

It's even got to the stage where I am no longer that concerned with seeing my daughter. Besides which, she'd barely recognise me. 

I cannot support nor protect her from anything. Recent political discussions on MMR vaccine are meaningless to me, as i have no choice about what my ex chooses to do anyway. 

I am an ex-parent, an amputated parent and, bluntly, I'm getting used to it.

I shall continue to try and help change and improve things but, ultimately, I am just floating along, watching society self-destruct and simply curious how long it will be before people start saying "What the f**k have we DONE!?"

That, and the fighting of feminism, are my goals.

As for the rest, I am just a spectator.

Sometimes I feel so sad i could throw up, other times I find it almost amusing. 

You have to larf.

And I'm done crying.

BG