The NSPCC Sucks How could anybody criticise the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children? Well, they could point out that the NSPCC's media campaigns spread a poisonous message of mistrust by implying that all of our children are at risk from adults, most often those closest to them.
A huge slice of its £150 million income goes on PR and self-publicity, to raise the cash to put out more propaganda so that it can raise more money to put out more propaganda. Perhaps its new body of experts could start by looking into exploitative broadcasts where child actors pretend to be victims of abuse to guilt-trip innocent people into giving money. Now that's what I call irresponsible TV.
Roll up! Roll up, Everybody!
Dust those cobwebs out of your wallet, and give Angry Harry some of that
hidden money of yours; because Angry Harry is going to start a new charity to
help children who are 'in need'.
And for every $100 that he receives, Angry Harry is going to give one
whole dollar to those who help children.
Yes indeed. Angry Harry is a most kind and generous man.
Hey. Hold on, Angry Harry. If I give you $100, you're going to keep $99 for
yourself? Why, that's nothing but a scam!
No way! That's no scam at all. Because those children 'in need' will get a
whole dollar! A dollar that they would not have had before. I am doing them a
Yeah, right. But mostly a favour to you!
OK. OK. I'll change the percentage.
Instead of one dollar, I'll give them $10. How does that sound?
For every $100 that he receives, Angry Harry will now give those children 'in
need' ten whole dollars.
Yes indeed. Angry Harry's generosity knows no bounds.
No way, Angry Harry. You still get to keep keep $90. And this is still
nothing but a scam.
OK. OK. I'll change the percentage again. Instead of $10, I'll give those
Now, how does that sound?
Well, the final percentage - $50 out of every $100 - still sounds like a
scam, doesn't it?
And if you knew that every time you donated $100 to Angry Harry's new charity
for children 'in need', he put $50 into his own pocket, you would surely feel
But, in fact, this is roughly what the NSPCC does.
Of course, in the case of the NSPCC, the 50% rake-off does not just go into
one person's pocket. It gets spread around all those people who work for the
NSPCC - either directly or indirectly.
But do not be fooled by this. Because the 'scam' is of the same magnitude.
... One year later ...
A big Thank You to all of you who have donated to Angry Harry's charity.
Angry Harry has now received donations of one
Thanks to all of you, Angry Harry has now received donations of one million
One million dollars!
Indeed, so many cheques have come through the post, that Angry Harry has had
to employ a whole secretary to assist him in his work!
But, of course, this secretary will cost $50,000.
So this only leaves $950,000 for me.
Hmm. I think I'll use some of that money to put out adverts in the
media in order to attract more funding.
Children looking grim.
Hmm. How can I make those adverts work?
Yes, Yes, I've got it.
I shall claim that there is abuse here, there and EVERYWHERE.
And that absolutely EVERYONE is suspect.
And I do mean, EVERYONE!
Yes. Yes. Yes!
And then I shall claim that all the victims are telling the truth, and
that no strong evidence should be required, and that all potential
accusers should be encouraged to come forward, and that they should also
be offered compensation money, and that all accusers must remain hidden, but that
newspapers should be able to identify all those who are merely charged -
which they will; to sell their newspapers.
Keep expanding the demonisation base!
Keep re-defining abuse!
Keep extending the scope of it all!
We are all in this together now. So, Come on. Let's roll!
Send your donations to Angry Harry at the Penthouse Suite, Hilton Hotel,
I feel sure that he'll be living there soon!
Ten years later ... back at the office.
Oh my goodness, I have got 200 people who rely on me for their employment.
The local taxes have gone up. The rent has increased. And what about all
my friends in 'the industry'? - the lawyers, the PR merchants, the
accountants. How do I pay them? And what about our lofty status?
Damn! The expected donations did not come about this year.
Our bank account is red.
So, what shall I do?
Ah yes, I know.
"RAPE, MURDER, TORTURE, SEX, SEMEN, ASSAULT, NAKED, ATTACK, VIOLENT,
"SMACK, SHOUT, DENY, SCOLD, SNEER, TOUCH, LOOK, SEEM-AS-IF,
LOOK-IN-DIRECTION-OF, APPEAR-TO-BE, TAKE-PHOTOGRAPH-IN-VICINTY-OF, PUT-ARM-AROUND,
"AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE TOO!"