many women are sent to jail, judges told
Not Enough! say I.
My missus could definitely do with a spell
in prison - a long one - with hard labour - so that she can mend her tiresome ways.
Six days for nagging.
Ten days for recording the wrong bloody channel!
And TWENTY SEVEN days for persistently talking
while I am watching the news!!!
What is wrong with these women!?
Yap. Yap. Yap. - whenever one is trying to follow an interesting news item, or, come to think of
it, anything else.
"And now, today in Afghanistan, the
Northern Alliance leader Dr Abdullah Abdullah gave the United Nations his sternest
warning yet. He said ... "
"Goodness. Look at the tie that he's wearing! It
looks just like the one that Tony Blair was wearing last month at the CBI
conference. It doesn't go with his ..."
"And, in response, President Bush made it
clear that ..."
"How old do you think he is?"
"I've no idea. Fifty. Fifty five. Now Shush!"
"No. Not Bush. The Pope."
"Pope? What Pope? Where's the Pope?
Where's the f##king Pope? "
"There's only one Pope, Silly. He lives
in the Vatican"
"YES. I. KNOW. But what the hell has the Pope got to do
with it? WILL.
YOU. BE. QUIET. WOMAN!"
I have heard nothing. I no longer even know
what this particular news story is about. The whole item has disappeared into
a sea of confusion.
"He said that 200 extra special troops
would be placed on alert in case the city was put under siege."
Who's 'he'? Blair, Bush, Abdullah?
Abdullah again? The
Pope? Whose troops? Which city?
It's all gone! It's all now completely
"It's Blair," she snaps impatiently.
"He's going to put these troops into Kabul."
HOW DOES SHE KNOW!?
Moaning Madam Multitask can speak and hear at the same
Well, it's because Moaning Madam Multitask can speak
and hear at the same time!
That's how she does it.
But I can only focus on one thing
at a time. Whenever my missus opens that huge mouth of hers, I might as well flip
off the TV for the whole duration of each of her comments - plus five seconds - because
my brain has to be
allowed to focus.
Without focus - nothing.
My genes are those of a skilled hunter. An expert marksman. A
wily strategist. A solver of problems. A deep contemplator who tracks the logic of the
situation in order to understand it as fully as possible. My mind must drive
forward into the very heart of the issue as best as it can. Any distraction, and
the logical connections dissolve.
My missus, however, is a very simple tape recorder. No
logical connections necessary.
The sounds just sneak into her ears while her mouth
moves interminably - open, close, open, close. Then they somehow get recorded on
to those miniscule molecules floating haphazardly about inside her head. And then
the sounds can all be coaxed out of her mouth with, of course, the
correct retrieval cues such as, "What the hell did he say? I wish you'd be
she can walk and chew gum at the very
You see, she can walk and chew gum at the very
She can multi-task!
The famous actor Omar Sharif was well-known in
his heyday as an extremely talented Bridge player. He was once asked why it was
that men almost invariably made the best Bridge players even though the game was played seriously
by many women. This was in the days well before scientists had come up with the
notion that women were capable, supposedly, of 'multi-tasking'. (And when the
very phrase 'multi-tasking' was very rarely heard in any context.)
His answer went something like this.
When men played bridge seriously they focused
solely on the game. Nothing else at all entered into their minds. Every piece of
consciousness was directed at aspects of the game.
With women, however, their
minds would simply ramble whimsically from one irrelevancy to the next, and
drift aimlessly into the ether.
Our little Gemma will be ten next week, and Graham is getting more grey hairs than Tom. And, oh look, Charlotte has put on
more weight, so I am now thinner than she. Tee hee. I hope that the weather is nice
tomorrow so that I can suntan my legs and make them darker than Debbie's.
That'll teach her for smiling at Jim. Doesn't the Queen of Diamonds look grim?
Perhaps she has been sexually-abused by the Jack of Spades. I don't like him at all.
He looks like a murderer. What
was the bidding again?
Well, 'multi-tasking' is the currently
accepted, polite and very politically-correct way of describing what women seem
to be able to do.
But 'wandering aimlessly about and not getting
very far' is how I would describe it when it comes to my missus.
Am I alone in this?
No. I am not.
The thinking of women is more affected by
emotions and trivia than is the thinking of men.
You see: The thinking of women is more
affected by emotions and trivia than is the thinking of men. And emotions,
together with the trivia, not only fluctuate with the wind, they also bias the
thinking process - often interfering very significantly with
And this is why women cannot think matters
through as rationally as men.
This is not to suggest that women are stupid.
Of course not. It's just that they are - how shall I put it? - ah yes -
Of course, I don't mean 'mentally-challenged'
as in implying a retard with a very low IQ - or something like that. No. Not at
all. But when it comes to higher thinking, deeper thinking, more complex
thinking, it is men, rather than women, who have what it takes.