Harry

Especially For Young Women

 
   

 

Some People Have Personality Disorders

NOTE: It is currently fashionable to proclaim that people behave badly as a result of (Borderline) Personality Disorders because they were abused some time in the past.

But there is very little valid evidence to support the view that people who were abused are more likely to behave badly as a result of their abuse.

Indeed, it seems that people who have been abused are far more likely to demonstrate more caring behaviours towards others - not less.

Why?

Because they tend to understand what it is like to be hurt badly.

..................

A male victim of domestic violence writes, ...

I wouldn't want anyone - male or female - to suffer a second of what I went through. ... Look after yourself. You deserve it . - nice piece in The Guardian about domestic violence against men.

However, I was not impressed with this bit in the article... "I most likely reminded her of someone from childhood, probably an adult care-giver who might have been overpowering, neglectful or abusive. One counsellor had no doubts: "I wonder who she was punching when she hit you?"

 there are no strong reasons to suppose that maltreatment is the main reason why many women are violent

The implication is that her violent and abusive behaviour has arisen as a response to some kind of maltreatment in the past. But there are no strong reasons to suppose that maltreatment is the main reason why many women are violent and abusive towards others when they get older.

Indeed, the popularity of this idea has much more to do with feminist politics and with the abuse industry touting for business than it has to do with any objective evidence about the matter.

Typically, feminists will always attempt to excuse the poor behaviours of women by suggesting that somewhere further back in time there is an abusive man who is responsible for it. And those working in the abuse industry would lose most of their clients if they, too, did not seek to excuse the poor behaviours of women in some way.

After all, it is women, mostly, who use their services.

It is women who bring the money in.

However, most of the valid evidence that I have ever scrutinised suggests that many 'aggressive' disorders - like Borderline Personality Disorder - result more from biology than psychology. As such, while it is certainly the case that many women with BPD claim that they were abused as children, it does not follow that the alleged abuse gave rise to their BPD.

 women with BPD often live their entire lives believing that they are the perpetual victims of abuse

Indeed, first and foremost, women with BPD often live their entire lives believing that they are the perpetual victims of abuse. They are forever blaming others for mistreating them, and they are also prone to lying and confabulating in order to pin the blame for their woes on to others. These women are forever seeking sympathy and are very adept at creating credible falsehoods about the past in order to cover up their tracks. Furthermore, they will hurt other people with impunity.

Unfortunately for our society - and particularly for its men - these destructive women are aided and abetted by those who promote the view that women who behave badly only do so because they are 'victims'.

One of the main lines of evidence commonly used to support the notion that those women who suffer from BPD were mistreated when they were youngsters is the fact that, in many cases, there will, indeed, be some evidence for such maltreatment.

But this is hardly surprising.

Firstly, given that the disorder undoubtedly has a major genetic component, those with BPD are very likely to have had parents or siblings with this condition - or something like it. And such parents and siblings will, indeed, have treated them poorly. But it is their own genes that will be responsible for their own BPD, rather than their poor treatment.

Secondly, even 'normal' others can easily be driven to distraction and can tend toward aggression - verbal or physical - against children who have the symptoms of BPD - so impossible are they to understand and to contain. And so it is that many children with BPD probably do end up actually being neglected, ostracised or assaulted by their parents - and by others - who are not afflicted with the disorder. 

therapists and feminists have too much to lose by blaming genes for the poor behaviours of women with BPD

But therapists and feminists have too much to lose by blaming genes for the poor behaviours of women with BPD, and too much to gain by blaming others for them. And this, of course, plays right into the hands of those with BPD - who, somewhat like psychopaths, are only too eager to 'find evidence' which helps them blame others for their problems. 

...

END NOTE

About 1 million women in the UK and about 5 million women in the USA have BPD or something close to it. These women are also highly likely to end up being single mothers. 

It is the stuff of nightmares - from which there is no escape for children, day after day after day after day. These children are continuously at the sole mercy of mothers who can be unpredictable, manipulative, abusive and violent. And, to make matters even worse, the children will be blamed for much of this - especially in later life.

These women are also often heartless, unforgiving, volatile, hyper-critical and very vindictive

These women are also often heartless, unforgiving, volatile, hyper-critical and very vindictive, and they often seem to take great pleasure in inflicting feelings of guilt, shame and hurt relentlessly upon their own children. (Erin Pizzey calls these women 'emotional terrorists'.)

And yet our courts readily place children into the sole custody of these women when the fathers finally have no choice but to leave, or when they are forcibly removed by false accusations levied against them.

Our judges do this to children, you know.

And they claim to do this sort of thing 'in the best interest of the child'.

Well, let me explain to any judges who might be reading this that somewhere around 5% of the population are either socially and/or emotionally highly dysfunctional.

Therefore, where children are brought up by single parents, some 5% of these parents are going to be highly dysfunctional.

Indeed, because highly dysfunctional adults are the very ones most likely to end up as single parents, the percentage of those children with single parents who are highly dysfunctional must be quite high - probably many times higher than 5% 

Nevertheless, sticking with the overall 5% figure just to make the point, the probability of children ending up solely in the hands of dysfunctional parents drops from around 5% (for children of single parents) to around 0.5% when two parents are around.

As such - and to generalise - whatever dysfunctional traits, harmful to children, that one considers that parents might have, it is clearly the case that one of the very best ways of protecting children from the effects of them is for children to have TWO parents! 

Passing The Buck

01/03/03

"Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) is thought to originate from early childhood experiences; significant loss, unstable attachments to parents or parental figures; trauma, abuse or deprivation. Approximately half of those with BPD were physically or sexually abused as children."

Dear K

Firstly, I am really sorry to read about what you have been through in your own personal life. It must have been absolutely horrendous. It really makes me feel quite nauseous even to contemplate the stresses that you must have been subjected to. And I have seen this sort of thing happening to children - very often, I'm afraid, in single mother situations from which the children have absolutely no hope of escape. 

However, I have a real problem with promoting any group that puts BPD down to abuse in childhood - as opposed to it being the consequence of genetic influences and brain disorders.

 I say this is because I have witnessed often enough the development of BPD

The reason I say this is because I have witnessed often enough the development of BPD - or something extremely similar to it - taking place in a context where I know for certain that there was no childhood abuse. 

Furthermore, it is a characteristic of BPD that 'others are always to blame'. And I am unwilling to promote the view that parents are directly responsible for serious psychological problems in their children unless there is real evidence of this, because, for the most part, parents have usually done the best that they can for them - something that is incredibly difficult to do when a child has a significant personality disorder - severe in the sense that it is virtually impossible for a normal parent to cope with it.

For many years we were told that virtually all 'psychological' disorders such as schizophrenia, Aspergers Syndrome, autism, and even dyslexia, were caused by child abuse. My own asthma (caused by an allergy to various substances) was once put down to a 'mother complex'. But as medical science develops we keep finding out that other factors are mostly responsible. And my belief is that the same will be true for BPD.

This is not to say that being continually at the mercy of relatives who are emotionally or physically abusive does not have long term deleterious effects. Of course it does. But I do not accept that BPD is one of the likely consequences.

In my view, it just doesn't fit.

Much of the difficult behaviour of those with BPD centres around the fact that people soon learn to avoid them. As you say, ... "Sufferers of BPD constantly try to ward off panic around real or imagined abandonment. This results in impulsive and erratic behaviour, mood swings and difficulty with relationships." ... but I think that your emphasis is completely wrong-headed. For example, one minute the person with BPD is telling you that you are the most important thing in the world, the next minute they are kicking you very hard in the teeth.

And so, of course, it is not surprising that their relationships are highly volatile and unstable. 

In other words, I doubt that they are imagining it.

The manipulative, unpredictable and very often hostile behaviours of those with BPD together with their high propensity to lie are direct causes of the very things that they would claim to fear the most; such as abandonment.

And so, for example, those with BPD would claim that those around them often lie to them. Well, they probably do - given that this is often the only way that they can attempt to keep the peace.

But who, exactly, is the 'sufferer'?

My guess is that because three times as many women as men have BPD, they are deemed to 'suffer' from it, and, further, they are falsely deemed to suffer from it because of some alleged past abuse. Were the gender proportions reversed, however, my guess is that those with BPD would be seen somewhat differently - as evil in some way, probably.

Men are criminal. Women are ill.

Men are criminal. Women are ill.

As such, while I do very much respect what you are doing, I think that through your rhetoric you are, unwittingly, simply creating more problems for those who have to deal with BPD, because you are laying the blame for it in the wrong place - thus casting suspicion and/or guilt upon people who have probably done nothing wrong given the circumstances that they have had to endure - and you are playing right into the hands of some very uncaring, manipulative and abusive people, who have not much in the way of a conscience, and who will only be too happy to see you doing this on their behalf.

In my view, if those with BPD received far less sympathy and far more in the way of admonishment for their poor behaviours towards others, both they and their victims would end up being better served, by a long way.

You must always remember that therapists have a vested interest in claiming that they understand the causes of their clients' problems

You must always remember that therapists have a vested interest in claiming that they understand the causes of their clients' problems and, further, that it is also very much in their interests to both view them and treat them as 'victims'. In fact, without doing the latter, they are unlikely to generate much in the way of business.

And this is why therapists who are unwilling to pander to the usual abused-in-the-past theories fade quickly into obscurity while those who do pander to them are eagerly supported by their victim-client population. This is how bogus therapists end up swamping the whole area with their largely unfounded ideas and views.

Yes. Children and adults who exhibit dysfunctional personal or social characteristics are often seen to have been 'abused' in some way - perhaps sexually and/or physically. But, in the case of those with BPD, there are often good reasons to believe that any 'abuse' was, in fact, a reflection of the coping mechanisms of those who actually had to deal with them - mechanisms that might well have met with some success at the time. (The carrot and/or the stick.)  

Furthermore, those with BPD could be pampered like Lords and Ladies throughout their entire lives, and yet they would still end up hurting others and claiming that they are victims.

Finally, I would point out that women who have BPD are undoubtedly a primary cause of domestic violence and homicide, and by claiming - falsely, in my view - that such women are 'survivors' of abuse in some way - i.e. they are 'victims' - you not only allow them to escape responsibility for their actions, but you continue to perpetuate the myth that men (typically) somewhere along the line, are the major cause of their problems.

In my view, BPD is genetic in origin, and its symptoms in women are further complicated by PMS and by the way that people who are close to them end up reacting toward them.

Perhaps, one day, I shall be proved wrong. But until such a time materialises, I cannot support a site that sees women with BPD as victims of abuse. 

It is those who have to deal with them who are the victims, and who are the ones most likely to have been abused.

AH

Look At The Brain Anatomy

His Mother Is An Imposter!

Current research on the brain should prepare us all for the unexpected and the surprising. Science can now offer empirical evidence for answering ancient philosophical questions about meaning and being. - audio - Lecture 1 of the 2003 BBC Reith lectures by Professor Ramachandran - 40 min - enjoyable and instructive.

Due to some damage in a certain part of David's brain, though he can visually recognise faces perfectly well, the emotional connections to those faces have been severed. And so, for example, when he sees his mother, he believes that she is an imposter.

And the reason for this is that while his brain recognises all her visual features perfectly well, he has no emotional response to them as a result of his brain damage. And so he sees a woman who looks exactly like his mother, but, because no feelings are engendered toward this women by his brain, he concludes that she cannot actually be his mother. 

The visual-emotional link has been cut.

On the other hand, when David talks to his mother on the phone, not only does he recognise her voice perfectly well, but his brain also produces the relevant emotional responses. And so, in the case of auditory stimuli - her voice on the phone - the appropriate emotional responses are available to him, and he does not therefore conclude that the voice belongs to an imposter.

David's emotional system does not connect to his visual system.

It does, however, connect to his auditory system.

people will be discovered who have no significant emotional responses to the touches or the voices of their 'loved' ones.

In my view, the same types of finding will be discovered in connection with the other sensory modalities. And so, for example, people will be discovered who have no significant emotional responses to the touches or the voices of their 'loved' ones.

Of huge importance to the current discussion, however, is the fact that these very serious emotional deficiencies can clearly occur because of specific anatomical 'faults'. And given that anatomical faults might well arise from genetic factors and/or from defects in embryological development, the poor behaviours of many women can now be better explained without continually having to view them as the victims of some form of abuse.

Indeed, it is highly likely that in humans there exists a whole range of anatomical connectedness between emotional responses and sensory stimuli. 

If the appropriate connections between the brain's emotional systems and the areas that respond to outside stimuli are not developed properly, the result will be an emotionally deficient being.

And this also goes some way to explaining why it is that so many leading feminists and promoters of man-hatred are clearly not normal.

women with a high degree of emotional disconnectedness are exactly the kind of women who become radical feminists.

For example, women with a high degree of emotional disconnectedness are exactly the kind of women who become radical feminists. They have no feelings for men in the same way that normal women do.

Furthermore, at close quarters, men can sense this, and so they run a mile, which frustrates and angers these women who then seek their revenge on men in general by doing their best to hurt them - all of them! - with many of these women actually working daily in their careers to achieve precisely this aim and also to thwart the development of the kind of loving relationships between men and women that they, themselves, can never have.

In the UK, for example, the lesbian feminist Beatrix Campbell seems to have spent a lifetime trying to hurt men - in my view. She is a major promoter of child abuse hysteria - particularly in the area of 'recovered memories' (e.g. see  Shameful Therapists) - as well as a disseminator of lies designed to demonise men (e.g. Slap That Face - Beatrix Campbell.)

And with western societies being so heavily influenced by many cold and often very nasty women, it is hardly surprising to find that we are currently experiencing so many breakdowns in people's relationships.

Further, of course, such women are also more likely than normal women to climb high in their careers, because they are less distracted by matters of the heart.

Needless to say, much of the above will also apply to men. But the difference is that when men behave badly western societies condemn them, and their laws try to restrain their bad behaviours with the threat of punishment. The same, however, does not apply to women who exhibit the same bad behaviours, because they can nowadays claim that their bad behaviours are the result of some past or current abuse.

Fortunately, the research of neuroscientists like Professor Ramachandran will help to expose these women and will help to open further the eyes of the public to the nonsense propounded by many therapists and the abuse industry.

Here are some quotes from some highly influential feminists that - in my view - clearly reveal the emotional deficiencies of leading feminists and of those women who support them ...

'My feelings about men are the result of my experience. I have little sympathy for them. Like a Jew just released from Dachau, I watch the handsome young Nazi soldier fall writhing to the ground with a bullet in his stomach and I look briefly and walk on. I don't even need to shrug. I simply don't care. What he was, as a person, I mean, what his shames and yearnings were, simply don't matter." Marilyn French; The Woman's Room.

"All sex, even consensual sex between a married couple, is an act of violence perpetrated against a woman." Catherine MacKinnon

"Men who are unjustly accused of rape can sometimes gain from the experience." Catherine Comin, Vassar College. Assistant Dean of Students.

"You grow up with your father holding you down and covering your mouth so another man can make a horrible searing pain between your legs." Catherine MacKinnon

"A woman who has sex with a man, therefore, does so against her will, even if she does not feel forced." Judith Levine

"To call a man an animal is to flatter him; he's a machine, a walking dildo." Valerie Solanas

"I want to see a man beaten to a bloody pulp with a high-heel shoved in his mouth, like an apple in the mouth of a pig." Andrea Dworkin

"I feel that 'man-hating' is an honorable and viable political act, that the oppressed have a right to class-hatred against the class that is oppressing them." Robin Morgan

"When a woman reaches orgasm with a man she is only collaborating with the patriarchal system, eroticizing her own oppression..." Sheila Jeffrys

...

They have no concept of what it really means to be felt, touched, or loved by a close other.

It seems fairly obvious to me that the women above are emotionally castrated in those areas that are involved with love and affection. They have no concept of what it really means to be felt, touched, or loved by a close other. And so, for example, when they feel a gentle touch on the arm by another human, they do not feel warmth, they just feel a touch, For them, it might as well be the touch of a blanket or a stranger. For them, every touch is that of an 'imposter'. It has no meaning.

And this is why, for example again, "all sex is rape" in their eyes.

These deficient non-women do not actually know what sex is.

Sex does not mean anything to them beyond the orgasm.

They are man-haters through and through because to them, men - all men - are nothing more than objects to whom they have no emotional attachments.

After all, they are all imposters.

And this is why, for example, they have no concern about men being treated appallingly by, say, the justice system.

It does not matter to them at all if innocent men are imprisoned for alleged offences against women. It does not matter to them at all if fathers can simply be kicked out of their own homes.

These women are very dysfunctional, emotionally dead and, very often, decidedly malicious.

And yet we, in western societies, have given these non-women and their disgusting attitudes huge power - power that they use to damage all close relationships between men, women and children.

 



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