Tonight on BBC

6.00 Vanessa. It’s Great To Be Fat. The overweight blonde bombshell Vanessa talks to women who think that Fat is Beautiful, and begs people to let women look and dress in exactly the way that they please.

7.00 Later Vanessa. Fat Slobs And Their Suffering Wives. Vanessa asks why it is that so many men are too lazy to exercise and too fat to appear in public.

7.30 Film. Shattered Dream. A young woman brought up in a humble orphanage in Maryland travels to the Big Apple and meets up with a handsome and dynamic politician who shatters her dreams in the middle of sex when she discovers from the mole on his left testicle that he was the very man who sexually assaulted her cute blind paraplegic little sister while on a camping holiday in Texas.

8.30 A History of Rape. Biologist Steven Rose, the feminist 'man' who made a career out of cutting up chicken brains, talks about man’s natural propensity to rape throughout the ages. He shows that rape probably first occurred on the planet round about the time of the first proto-chicken, and suggests that the use of the word "cock" to describe both the male chicken and the male organ is not unconnected with this most alarming fact.

9.00 God’s Gift with Trisha. A show for all the family. Watch, laugh and squeal with delight, as ugly, unintelligent working class boys compete for the girls of their dreams by dangling their penises into boiling hot liquids while the pretty girls gleefully mock and deride them as they measure their shrunken blistering appendages with rulers.

9.30 Jackie and June. A new magazine programme for young women. In today’s very first edition, the team looks at how a really good and well-aimed Karate kick can squash a man’s testicles for life, and how women in the workplace can now move much more quickly up the career ladder by flirting with the boss and then whispering sweet nothings about sexual harassment in his ear.

10.00 Legal View. Are our court procedures too biased in favour of the defendant in sex cases? A panel of legal experts looks at ways in which we might be able to increase the conviction rates in cases involving sexual assault. In the UK, women will shortly NOT have to answer any questions about the incident, and they will remain anonymous. But is this enough? Bea Campbell argues that for true justice to take place, women should be able to make their anonymous accusations by post, and that they should not be required to give any further evidence beyond their signatures.

10.30 Men are Crap. A balanced view of the sexes with Esther Rantzen.

11.00 Modern Art. A look at how artists from the past have failed to capture the essential beauty of all women. Tom Paulin (poet and thinker) looks at the female nude through the eyes of the Renaissance painter while alerting us to the unmistakable signs of misogynism in the texture and colour of the paintwork.

12.00 Women and Philosophy. An Open University Production. In today’s programme, Germaine Greer travels back in time to Ancient Greece and uncovers conclusive evidence to show that Plato’s handwriting was that of a woman. Together with Tom Paulin (poet and thinker) she also analyses the work of Socrates and demonstrates how her own work has dwarfed and superceded the writings of this misogynistic Greek.

12:30 Open University Resources: Short Copyright-Free Video Programmes for Primary & Nursery School Teachers

Women in Science
Women in History 
Women in Engineering 
Women in Industry
Women in Shipping
Suffering Women
Quilts
The Suffragettes
Women's Struggles
Women: The Struggle For The Vote
Why Are Men Such Bastards?
Struggling Women
Why Do Women Have To Struggle?
Struggling Without Success
Women's Woetry
Why Women Are The Superior Sex 
Women Tank Commanders
Where Would We Be Without Women?
The Trouble with Boys
Why Are Boys Such Trouble?
Horrible Boys
How Women Won World Wars I & II
Who Needs Boys?
What Is The Point Of Boys?

Classroom Guidance

All programs are suitable for 2 to 7 year olds.

Boys should be made to sit at the back of the class, and when the programmes have finished the teacher and the girls should turn round and point at the boys, wave their index fingers at them, and start booing them.

(Also see Calm Before The Storm)