26/01/04

Vibrators

Women Are Having Orgasm Problems

Women, apparently, are having difficulty reaching orgasms these days; with some huge percentage of them failing to achieve orgasms when engaging in normal sex. And, needless to say, I know why; though, of course, I, myself, have never come across a woman who cannot orgasm.

No Sir!

Everyone of my women has writhed and bucked and rodeoed her way to ecstasy whenever I have done my thing. (Of course, I am lying through my teeth at this point - for effect!)

The secret is to find that little red cotton bud no matter how hard it tries to hide or to slip away. 

You can't feel it. You can't see it. You can't even hear it. But you know it's there!

You know it's there because if it wasn't there it wouldn't have a name. 

And the secret of sexcess is to chase it round and round and to freak it out before it dries out.

And therein, of course, lies Catch 22.

Because it's not until the damn thing actually dries out that you can locate it and pursue it hither and thither with any degree of accuracy before it slips away into the dark abyss.

But by then it's too late!

And if you do any zizzing at this point in time you will have to put up with all that Ouch Youch Oooch nonsense. And, "Oooo, it's sore."

You see, the real trick to satisfying a woman is to find the right kind of woman in the first place. The kind that will writhe and buck and rodeo without too much effort.

It's easy to spot such women because they have a certain look about them. 

It's difficult to describe that give-away look in detail only with words, but the word 'desperate' pretty much sums it up. 

And if she looks like Sylvester Stallone, so much the better, because you will save yourself many hours of sexual time - which you can use most fruitfully to get a better education - a couple of degrees perhaps.

But there is an interesting question here.

How come men evolved to orgasm with penile penetration whereas women did not, eh?

Why?

What was the point?

Well. It is obvious that if men did not orgasm through penetration then they would not reproduce any of their genes. In fact, such men would have disappeared. Only men who orgasmed during penetration produced any offspring!

But why were women designed to orgasm through the clitoris rather than through penetration? After all, not only does its stimulation not involve penetration, it actually excludes penetration - pretty much.

What was the evolutionary point of this? How come we ended up with the women that we got?

And here is a possible answer.

By making women orgasm fully only in the company of men who gave them a great deal of 'attention' (i.e. those men who were prepared to fool around with their little red buds) evolution ensured that they would stick around only those hominids who appeared most likely to want to look after them.

And women who did this survived far better than women who did not!

In other words, thanks to natural selection, the females of our species who currently grace us with their unwholesome presence were specifically designed not to become ecstatic solely on the basis of penetration. These thankless hussies were designed to become ecstatic on the basis of something which requires a great deal of effort and which, in fact, pretty much excludes penetration at the time.

Their sexual apparatus is mostly excited by a process that requires men to put an effort into something that does not also sexually reward themselves.

In other words, the wiring of the scheming brains of current-day womenfolk has been arranged according to the following heinous principles.

I orgasm only when the man puts in sexual effort without rewarding himself.

Therefore, I am only attracted to the man who puts in sexual effort without rewarding himself.

Therefore, I love only the man who puts in sexual effort without rewarding himself.

Therefore, I partner only the man who puts in sexual effort without rewarding himself.

And when Man was emerging from apedom, the proto-women who did not attach themselves to men who put in the extra sexual effort without rewarding themselves, made the wrong choice!

They cavorted happily with those men who would abandon them. 

These were the proto-women who did orgasm quite happily simply through penetration. They were easily turned on. And so they easily got themselves pregnant. But, statistically speaking, they got themselves pregnant by men who had no real interest in staying around. And so their offspring did not survive well. And so their descendants are not here. 

And this is why the women that we ended up with mostly require all this clitoral stimulation - and all the lovey duvvy stuff.

Their orgasms and, hence, their emotional attachments depend on being pandered to!

Indeed, generally speaking, the more 'unpleasant' are the experiences that someone 'willingly' wades through in order to give another an 'orgasm', the more 'under their spell' they must be!

And now, of course, with oodles of western women available here, there and everywhere, western men do not need to exert too much effort in order to fulfill their own salacious desires.

And this is why there now seems to be an epidemic of non-orgasmic women in the west.

The men are not a-pandering.

Well done feminism!

Of course, there is now a variety of gadgets on the market to help women with their orgasm problems; vibrators being the most common. But the truth is that these, on their own, are not hugely satisfying for women even if they do succeed in bringing themselves to orgasm with them.

Good sex - great sex - is, after all, as much of a mental activity as it is a physical one. And vibrators are only useful in providing a MacDonald's kind of sex. Yes. Their burgers taste good. But there is a whole range of tastes that is missing.

And the same sort of thing is true when vibrators take the place of men.

Generally speaking, the majority of men and women only have great sex when they 'own' each other in some significant way. (The word 'own' might not be quite the right word to use, but it's a pretty good one!)

However, thanks to feminism, this kind of relationship is being killed off. And so, of course women are having orgasm problems.